Exhale and release

I have never done the laptop in a cafe thing. I have noticed that some people can stay in a cafe all day and I’m finally cashing in some of my chips. I am doing it right now at Starbucks in Union Square. Instead of walking around in the post rain sunshine coming off of the concrete and the many windows of the stark huge bricks that have seen it all through the decades and whisper back to yesteryear, I am using the Starbucks WiFi to verify that my toting of said laptop was indeed not in vain. This was my neighborhood before I moved to Nyack. This wondrous hip jungle was my playground for over twenty years. I got to jump around in its splendor every day and then got to tote around a newborn who magically turned into a toddler. And then I up and abandoned this wonder for less expense, stability, small mountains and a place where you can get to know Nyackians well and not just pass them by, quick-glance city style. Oh and the glorious QUIET that you forget exists outside of city limits. At this Union Square Starbucks I get a great spot where I can look out onto Lee Strasberg Way and take in the many many faces and the beautiful array of body types as they manage, nudge, squirrel, bound, sashay, teeter, or amble through their day. To have my brain grasp onto these words as I listen to “I can’t feel my face when I’m with you” through a speaker directly over me is completely another thing. I am here merely as a waiter today. Not the serving kind, just waiting to help my husband after a small operation. It occurs to me that like working out or my wonderful women’s group, being in the city and just absorbing all the people, all the energy, should probably be a healthy habit as well. Me and the five life times I’d like to be living simultaneously.

Here is one of the few perks of having to say goodbye to littles and raise pre-teens…the ability to leave and know that they’re okay in your house alone. Leaving your children at home is a freedom that I have become okay with and can even slip into slight euphoria if I let myself. Having an appointment set for after you pick up at school, meeting a friend that can only meet you at 4:00, having them be able to gaze into the refrigerator solo and weight the cheese vs. yogurt option on their very own. The other day I caught a YouTube clip of a young Mom singing karaoke with her kids, about 4 and 6 as they goofed and sang stridently to Pat Benatar and The Kinks all flying limbs and raised hearts. It quickly then cut to the trio ten years later and showed the mom cleaning up clutter as her teens strode into the room, obedient cellphone in each of their hands. The mom tried to ask them questions about their days and where they were going. They half paid attention, shared some inside joke with each other, grabbed a snack, gave a sneered poof of an answer and strode away. The mom was just left with this forlorn look. I’ve been hearing the term “lean in” a lot lately and I wonder if this teen thing will be a leaning in thing too? My impulse to want to shout at the roll of the eyes or an obnoxious comment has thankfully waned as a certain patience for this temporary behavior (“Wait until there are bigger fish to fry, Dianne!”). I tell myself that shouting never solves anything and I reassure myself that yes, it’s true, they are missing the whole frontal cortex of their brains still and truly can’t help it, right? This longing to suck on a baby’s fat cheek, the gleam of that toothless grin, the needing of a PARENT. So I suppose like many things in life, you have to give something up to gain something else.

QUICK INTERRUPTION…

Did you ever wonder how so many mattress companies can be around? How many mattresses can possibly be sold to justify about 100 companies vying for your need of a decade?

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Let us all get lost in the splendor of Spring. I have to constantly remind myself how short-lived this season is and to totally breathe in, take in through my pores all that nature has to offer. Yet then I say…JUST ENJOY and DON’T THINK ABOUT IT SO MUCH! F…… ;o)